animalstalkinginallcaps:

WHY ARE WE OUTSIDE? I’M SERIOUS. I HAVE THE WORST HANGOVER EVER. IN THE HISTORY OF EVER. I CAN’T EVEN TELL IF MY EYES ARE OPEN RIGHT NOW AND I’M PRETTY SURE THEY ARE.

WE’RE OUTSIDE BECAUSE THE APARTMENT SMELLS LIKE A TRAIN STATION. I HONESTLY CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE STILL ALIVE. I KNEW YOU WERE IN TROUBLE WHEN YOU STARTED CRYING AND TALKING ABOUT YOUR BREAKUP DURING YOUR FIONA APPLE KARAOKE, AND THAT WAS AT TEN O’CLOCK. HOW DID YOU LAST UNTIL TWO?

RED BULL AND VODKA. THE LAST THING I REMEMBER IS ORDERING RED BULL AND VODKA.

SO YOU PROBABLY DON’T REMEMBER PEEING IN THE HALLWAY.

… NOPE.

AND THEN PEEING ON MY COUCH TWO HOURS LATER.

SERIOUSLY?

YOUR HEART AND YOUR BLADDER WERE WIDE OPEN LAST NIGHT.