“The idea that animals have emotional lives and are capable of detecting emotions in others has been gaining ground for decades. Empathic behavior has been observed in apes and monkeys, and described by many pet owners (especially dog owners). Recently, scientists demonstrated “emotional contagion” in mice, a situation in which one animal’s stress worsens another’s.”—
“Guys often say that you shouldn’t identify yourself as a woman on the Internet or that you shouldn’t have taken the pictures, but a lot of guys on Reddit freely talk about masturbating as if it was nothing — and no one [exposes them]. Women are told to limit what they do, limit what they wear, limit what pictures they take, limit what they write. We never seem to limit the rights of the guys who abuse us. Like, you should have the right to post things anonymously, you should have the right to privacy? If someone posted me on the Internet and at least attached their name to it I would somehow respect it. Like, OK, you’re an abuser, you’re an asshole, but at least you’re coming out publicly. People are abusing their anonymity to abuse the privacy of others. It’s such a hypocritical move.”—what happens when you’re doxxed
“We have a tendency, especially in an achievement-oriented culture, to want to solve problems and repair brokenness — to propose, plan, fix, interpret, explain and solve. But what seems to be needed here is the art of presence — to perform tasks without trying to control or alter the elemental situation. Allow nature to take its course. Grant the sufferers the dignity of their own process. Let them define meaning. Sit simply through moments of pain and uncomfortable darkness. Be practical, mundane, simple and direct.”—The Art of Presence
Artists too have their myths. The lies told to artists mirror the lies told to women. Be good enough, be pretty enough, and that guy or gallery will sweep you off your feet, to the picket-fenced land of generous collectors and two and a half kids. But, make the first move, seize your destiny, and you’re a whore.
So I've been talking to this guy, yet he wants me to shave my bush and grow out my hair. I really like him but I just if I do that it feels like I'm taking away my identity. You've been my hero for years. What the hell should I do about this.
do what makes you feel okay inside.
doing hair removal for your partner (i’ve done it, and sometimes still do) doesn’t mean you’re necessarily disempowered, unless you feel like you’ve really got no choice in the matter.
if its a deal-breaker for your partner, it might be an indication that said partner is being a too controlling. it’s your body. that means its your call. end of discussion.
i generally deal with this conundrum by waxing very occasionally, letting things grow for months, or years, and making sure that i always feel like i’m in the driver’s seat. that way, if i decide to wax for a partner to turn them on, I feel like it’s MY gift to them, not THEIR control over my decisions. make sense?
and for the record - and this is not to humble-brag but to prove a point - i’ve slept with TONS OF PEOPLE who you’d probably peg as the type to sleep with femme supermodels.
and when they get in bed with me and my hairy muff, there has never, ever been a problem. nobody has ever recoiled in horror. if you carry yourself with confidence, your sex appeal goes way way deeper than the hair.
and…my own informal personal poll has yielded the interesting fact that most people i know prefer a bush to no bush (both genders). so there’s that.
as my then tour-manager emily white and i used to say on tour in defense of our hairy, unshaven legs:
“I’ve found that Instagram works much like the movie business: You’re safe if you trade “one for them” with “one for yourself,” meaning for every photo of a book, painting or poem, I try to post a selfie with a puppy, a topless selfie or a selfie with Seth Rogen, because these are all things that are generally liked.”—James Franco, writing for the NY Times The Meanings of the Selfie